The L.A. Report – Part 29

01-22-2022

Hey Everybody,

My last report was in 2020 so I’m way overdue with this one!

I don’t have a lot of news (generally, no news is good news).

So far (knock on wood), I’ve managed to evade Covid. I’ve had both my initial vaccinations and my booster, so even if I do contract it, it should be mild. UCLA was planning to return to the offices this month but when Omicron hit, they put that on hold, for now at least. I know the students were supposed to be returning but I think that’s also on hold. I’m still working from home and my manager said I might be able to do that permanently. That’s fine, it’s very convenient, although a little lonely!

My MS is still fairly mild (knock on wood) but my running pace gets slower and slower every year. I can’t complain, though. I just learned that my half-nephew, who also has it, is now in a nursing home.

The screenplay I wrote in 2018 pretty much crashed and burned. Actually it never got off the ground. The author of the book it’s based on was really nice and always open to the idea but his agent played “I’m a big, powerful agent and you don’t have any connections, contacts, credits or credibility so we’re (I’m) not interested.” End of story. Fade to black. I still check in with the author once a year and no deals have ever come of it.

A friend of mine from the Twin Cities (now in Ohio) wrote a book in 2018 and we’re looking at possibly writing a screenplay based on that.

In February 2020, he and several other friends were in town and we were visiting The Getty museum. One of the friends was 8.99 months pregnant and all of a sudden we hear water splashing on the floor. Yep, her water broke so she and her husband made a beeline for the hospital and her baby was born a few hours later. They named her Camila but I think her middle name should be Getty or Van Gogh!

The severe drought we had in 2015 finally ended but then another one started just a couple years later and has lasted up until a few months ago. Since then we’ve had quite a bit of rain, and now the drought is just Moderate (no longer Severe, Extreme or Exceptional - the highest three classifications).

My agent only got me 7 auditions last year (more on her later). With Covid raging, all auditions are now done by self-taping with your phone camera. You can see all the ones I’ve done for the last few years at https://www.jayblake.actor/videos/auditions.html. I put an asterisk in front of four of the best.

One of the auditions my agent got for me, I can only talk sparingly about because of the Non-Disclosure agreement I signed. When it’s released to the Web site, I can talk more about it. You won’t see me in it, however. It was a 3-day shoot, with the first day just for rehearsal. When I got home the first night, I got a text and an email that “corporate” decided to “go in a different direction” (corporate gobbledy-speak for “you’re fired” or “we chose somebody else”) and I didn’t need to come back for the second and third days. Very embarrassing. At least the casting director said it killed her because she said I was so nice to work with. When it’s up I’ll let you know.

When I first met my agent (I’ll just call her “L”) in 2017, her partner (I’ll just call him “R”) was a total bullshitter. He said I needed new pictures (which I probably did) and he said he would shoot them for me – not for free, of course, but for a really good deal. I said I already have a photographer I like. He asked how much he charges and I said $175 for three looks and $50/look beyond that. The poor baby blurted out, “YOU NEED 8 LOOKS!”

Fast forward to last Friday. “R” called me and said we have about 11 months to turn things around (my low booking success rate). I don’t know how he arrived at 11 months – maybe that’s when my contract ends, I don’t even remember offhand. He said I’m costing them so much money blah, blah, blah. He asked if we could meet for coffee in Hollywood because he had some ideas. So we met Monday.

The first thing out of his mouth was, “how much do you want to be an actor?” I said “why do you always ask me that?” He just mumbles something about wanting to make sure I’m serious. Then the bullshit starts to flow again. He spits out some total bullshit numbers showing I’ve cost them THOUSANDS of dollars over the last few years because he has to hire people for so much an hour to submit me blah, blah, blah. Then his new scheme is revealed.

He says the main problem is that I don’t have any credits (meaning visible/popular/highly-rated), which is certainly true. He said nobody gives a shit about YouTube (which is also true) but he can set up a limited series on Amazon Prime and put me in the credits and publicity, etc. Nobody will see it, except internally, but then you’ll have a “legitimate” credit. Of course, he’s not going to do it for free; I’d have to split the cost with him, blah, blah, blah! Complete and utter bullshit that’s a conflict of interest at best, unethical or illegal at worst.

Then he says, “or you can walk, if you want”. I said, “yeah, I think I will.” He gets up and says, “Okay, I’m glad we could end on a positive note.”

Five minutes into my drive home, I get a text from the casting system saying my representation (agent) had been removed from my account.

When I got home, I sent 8 emails to agents who’d shown at least a smidgeon of interest in the past. In a few hours, one responded back and after exchanging a few emails he agreed to represent me for 5 months initially and then we can decide if we want to continue.

Tonight I got a text from the casting system that I had an audition. Great, I thought – my new agent already got me an audition!

It was from “L”, my old agent.

I sent her a response saying, “”L”, I’m confused.  After I met with “R” Monday, I got a notification that my representation was removed.”

She sent a message saying “Lets assume that was a glitch.  We still have you in our database.  Sorry for the confusion.”

I sent back a message saying, “I can’t now. When I was dropped Monday, I got a new agent.”

Hey, I could write a screenplay for a movie about the trials and tribulations of being a struggling actor in Hollywood. The only problem is that nobody’d believe it!

Take care,

Jay