POLITICAL CANIDAES I WOULD LIKE TO SEE

Susan Lumiere

<note from Jay: Yes, “canidae” is spelled correctly; I never heard it before, either>

 Did you know that there are two dogs and one cat who have been elected as mayors of three US cities? Max Mueller, a Golden Retriever, was mayor of Idyllwild, California; Duke Rick-Nelson, a Great Pyrenees, served four terms as mayor of Cormorant Village, Minnesota; and Sweet Tart McKee, a long-haired Tortoiseshell cat, is currently the mayor of Omena, Michigan. (A feline AND a harlot, or tart!) Diablo Shapiro—a runaway from Texas, who almost ran away with the election and is a Maltese Terrier—is vice mayor. (A canine named after a Jewish devil! How did a nice Jewish dog from Texas end up in a tiny midwestern town of 300?)

   Hey, wait a minute! Pete Buttigieg is a Maltese, too! We could have had a canidae with Good Breeding as our leader or even an educated THOREAUbred instead of an underbred ROTweiler! By any measure, better a terrier than a terror.

     Cockapoo puppy Punkin Anderson-Harden is second vice mayor of Omena (A hyphenated American AND a mixed breed—double hyphenation.) Sweet Tart (named for two kinds of cherries) defeated 13 dogs, a peacock, a chicken, a goat and another cat. She has a council consisting of runners-up, including Harley Jones, a goat, as press secretary and Penny Labriola, a chicken, as assistant to the mayor.

    Surely, no animal could do more harm to his/her constituents than the human counterparts have done.

     So, here are some political canidaes whom I would like to see elected to office:

 For Chief of “Commands”: ROVER Cleveland

For Second in “Commands”:

James BuCANINE

For Presidential Cabinet: 

Dwight D. EisenSCHNAUZER, General DOGlas MacArthur, John SPITZgerald Kennedy, Bobby CANIDAE, Calvin COLLIEdge, Joe BITEn, SPANIEL Webster, Martin Van BULLDOG , George WOOFington and RUFF Bader Ginsburg

For Foreign MINI-PINS:

AKITA Khrushchev, Haile SeLASSIE, Nikolae CHOWcescu, FIDO Castro, Papa DOG Duvalier, Eva PERROn, Peter the GREAT DANE, Anthony WIENER DOG, and Karl BARX 

For AmBASSETors to the 

U N: DOG Hammarskjold, Boris YELPsin, Vladimir POOCHin, GOLDEN Meir, NeBARKadnezzar, Emperor CLAWdius, and BARKUS Aurelius

For Feline Affairs: CleoCATra,  CATshepsut, MaCATma Gandhi, TABBYgail Adams, CATherine the Great, James GARFIELD the Cat, Mustapha Kemal CATaturk and General John J. PERSIAN

For Chiefs of Desert Operations: 

CAMEL Abdel Nasser, Hubert HUMPhrey and Olaf PALMe.

For Secretary of Domestic Affairs: 

Pope Francis the Talking MULE, Sir SWINEston Churchill, Lady ASStor, First Lady MULEania Trump, RAM Emanuel and the Dalai LLAMA

For National Director of Pest Control: 

Pope Benedict XVI—Joseph Aloisius RATzinger

Assistant SecRATaries: MOLEania Trump, 

VOLEodymyr Zelensky, Chairman MOUSE Tse Tung, and ANTcy Pelosi

For National Wildlife Managers:

Benito MOOSEolini, BOARis Johnson, Justin TruDOE, William F. BUCKley Jr, JACKALine Kennedy Onassis, WOLF Blitzer, Gerald Rudolph (the Red-Nosed REINDEER) Ford and Pope HIPPOlytus

For National Director of Aviation:

Charles de GULL

For National Flight Attendants:

Yitzhak ROBIN, John JAY,  King GOOSEtav III and Tammy DUCKworth

    Please make sure to go to your nearest dog park, cattery, stable, barnyard, forest or duck pond and cast your vote. Our FURvival depends on you!